Before You Donate
Think very seriously before donating to any breastcancer organization, or fundraising program until you read their Annual Report to see who their top contributors are, and if they have a product that appears frequently in the message the organization sends to the public. That would be unethical and its illegal. The same applies to a request that the public buys products, but does not receive a "donor receipt" for tax-deductible purpose. Read any and all food labels that breastcancer "non-profits" are promoting to raise money. Some organizations tell the public to help them raise money by asking you to visit their websites, but that only gives them "hits" to increase their sponsors.
Another tip, "signing" an online Petition is not acceptable, so don't fall for such antics. An ethical non-profit, or professional will not request your visit to their website, nor use "cookies" placed on your computer when you visit their site.
Purchase the Breastcancer Postage Stamp, the Post Office will always give you your charitable deduction receipt. Its a valid form of fund raising.
SELECTING A PLASTIC SURGEON
PRELUDE
Deena Metzer, Author, The Tree and others
Long after my decision against reconstruction, I became more familiar with the philosophy and work of Deena Metzer. In a recent correspondence with me, July 1999, Deena said, "I just want to say that the tattoo allows others to look at your body and allows you to know that you're beautiful if asymmetrical. So, now that you're symmetrical, you will find other creative means to adorn and adore your body." In the same correspondence, Deena posed the question to me," . . .what if growth was not a value?" The author holdS workshops on healing, and our carcinogenic society. (click on these two other pages with Ms. Metzer's comments, and her famous photograph, called The Tree Poster.
If you have any plastic surgery, you'll be seeing this physician more than your breast surgeon! I couldn't even consider anything but "Get rid of this cancer," at the time - I'd already lost a little brother and sister to this disease. You may decide otherwise. Talk to a lot of women who've done both first, and read.
BEAR IN MIND: Reduced, augmented, and reconstucted breasts pose serious obstacles to mammography. ASK a radiologist! They may not be able to detect early changes. So, think TWICE before altering the structure, or replacing your breasts. . . think hard about it! After mastectomy, you will be carefully watched by your oncologist, and that includes mammograms, and chest x-rays, where reoccurrence may be first detected. You may prefer, after you talk to radiologists, pathologists, your oncologists, and surgeons, to forego plastic surgery. You may also decide to proceed. That is your decision, once you have ALL the variables clear in your mind.
To be a member of my team the questions on "Steps to Take" had to be answered by each physician I was considering, so that I would not unknowingly favor one over another, and get into the same mess I got into before. Their office nurses sometimes answered them for me when I phoned. This experience is to let you see how vastly different one physician can be from another in one patient's view. It is not to tell you what to accept or reject. That has to come from you. The only advice I can give is to be sure you check each doctor's credentials and experience, carefully, go with your gut, and when in doubt, wait! You need help! If a physician of all people cannot embrace that and care for you, they need to get out of patient contact. The mind-body connection is too strong to cope with abuse when you've got cancer!
It isn't easy to write about this part of my journey. My first experience still brings tears. Many have said I deserve the wonderful Team I now have, but I have to say I worked hard to find them, too. In fact, I felt as though I would never find the right surgeon, or team members, the "clock" would run out, and I would have to 'give in' and accept someone I felt was not the most competent. It was as though someone was stepping on my tail and I was attempting to proceed.
From my first appointment with a surgeon, I declined plastic surgery for any and all reasons: I did not want to cope with more suture lines than cancer surgery was going to require, I knew that our immune systems had somehow broken down for cells to grow and act in an archaic manner, and unnecessary surgery wouldn't help that situation. Furthermore, I did NOT have the time I felt I needed to discuss this with radiologists. In fact, I go so far as to consider unnecessary surgery at this point a compromise in good medicine! Women are under-estimated - we're treated as though we wouldn't understand the importance of addressing our health first!
Reconstructive surgery would always be an option "later on" when I was healed (well past radiation or chemo) and cancer free. After my first surgery, I was told that essentially it didn't "work," and I had to have it repeated (Pass out time!). This time, I insisted on a mastectomy (which I thought I was getting the first time around!). Again, I was told to "think it over (5th time for that command, too), but I had the feeling that I'd be making a terrible mistake if I didn't "talk to a plastic surgeon!" I wish I hadn't.
The day I saw my first plastic surgeon it was someone I was 'referred to directly," by my first breast surgeon, and I knew nothing about him other than where his office was. It's impossible to ever forget that day. First, I was getting sicker by the minute, and short of breath. I was nearly two weeks post-op and feeling weaker rather than stronger, and no one seemed to care. The wait for this doctor seemed to fit a requirement for that entire medical facility - no visible patients, just an hour's wait, and I nearly froze to death.
I was impressed with him, however. He talked to me at least 200% more on that visit than the first breast surgeon had for all of my meetings, including the surgery. Everything was going well until I asked how long the surgery would take (performed at the same time as my mastectomy) and he told me an additional 8-12 hours depending on which procedure I wanted and/or could have! I was speechless. "And, the cost?" "Yes, I have insurance." His answer nearly sent me into apoplexy! Another dang complication!
"No way!" "So I wake up with no breast - but a new breast, and a lot of incisions and sutures and drains a day later" (and I wouldn't even know my breast was gone...the one that fed five babies for a very long time)? I looked at myself in the mirror inconsiderately placed on the opposite wall...I was naked from the waist up as I was getting quite used to being in this establishment, but I didn't look stupid in the face! Something was wrong with this whole picture. The cost of a large new Mercedes for 8-12 hours of surgery? Sheesh. And more anesthesia?
I declined the 'super-surgery,' and secretly wondered if the insurance company would pay me one half of the amount he's charging if I didn't have the surgery, when I heard him ask, "Do you know what you are going to look like when you wake up?" That did it! I decided I'd be back to shop later, if I changed my mind. I had to think about this! Of course, I had to have a zillion photos taken of my nude upper self before I could leave!
The next morning I called and told him I didn't want reconstruction, but I did want what my sports medicine physician had suggested due to a neck and shoulder injury, and that could be done with biopsy on the opposite side during mastectomy. He said, "Dr. (so and so) does not want to do a mastectomy!"
Well, Dr. So and So had given me that as an option 8 days before with a good "98% chance of recovery without radiation," but I'd ended up with a 1/2 of one, and then told five days later it had to be "redone," and I was sent to him by Dr. So and So! I suggested they talk to each other, and I was leaving to find a doctor, because I was getting sicker by the minute, literally. I swore I'd never, never grace a plastic surgeon with my presence again.
SECOND EXPERIENCE:
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born (Anais Nin)."By the time I reached this surgeon, I think I had given my breast surgeon a terrible time. To be honest, I was scared out of my wits. I had been awfully ill to boot, and had 1/2 a breast on one side, without any knowledge of the cells activities, and life was awfully frightening. The clock was ticking. I really have to thank my breast surgeon for her gentle nudging, and her outspoken confidence in the referral she was making. Another surgeon had given me the names of four plastic surgeons with comments about how I would 'fit in' with each one - I was confused and really didn't care about fitting in with anyone at this point. I wasn't working on my career, I was fighting for my life! This breast surgeon stated professionally why she was referring me to this particular plastic surgeon.
To be a good team member, I decided to proceed with the plastic surgeon and oncologist appointments, my new surgeon set up for me. The surgeon said that this plastic surgeon was excellent, and she'd like to have her there, "if we can get her."
The day that I first walked into her office it was full of people! Children, women, men (and it wasn't freezing); someone was playing on the floor with a little child near the reception desk. As that person stood up someone called her "Doctor!" "My God in Heaven, bless her, it's the plastic surgeon," I thought. It was so shocking CNN needed to be notified! I said a prayer for her. . . I know that it's not easy to serve the public and be public, too. But, it is important. Her business card had her E-Mail address on it; another prayer - that made her less than 1% of all AMA members (on the Internet with her patients).
This surgeon was very well versed in what was to be done; she expressed real concern about my prior experience. She did not advise reconstruction at the time of mastectomy, due to the increase in number of incisions, coping with that plus very possibly chemotherapy or radiation affecting healing, and she agreed that one must get their health taken care of first. She never asked if I knew how gruesome I would look after surgery! She was just simply positive, and for my well-being and health.
More importantly, she answered every question on my list, about her education and training, and the number of times she'd done what I wanted, this year, and said that she could get the total number for me, too. I asked her about other patients I could talk to and she said she would arrange that (however, I'd already spoken to several in the waiting room who were spontaneously advising me of her expertise, and loving manner! At that point, I asked her if she would "close" the entire wound for me, too, and I'd tell my breast surgeon. She agreed.
The physician also agreed to my playing a cassette during surgery, and she told me she would have the 'tape turned for you, too." Before I departed her office, she hugged me and told me that I was doing the right thing and she knew it took a lot of courage! This spontaneous expression evidenced honesty, and I felt more comfortable in my selection. I wonder if she realizes her impact on patients.
The morning of surgery it was this surgeon who came and 'fetched' me and explained what she was going to do with her green pen, and began drawing (I noticed she was an artist, too). The plastic surgeon was going to be able to take significant amount of tissue for biopsy on the opposite breast, reduce and repair it, because I was having a mastectomy on the other side, and I did not want reconstruction until and unless I was completely well. When she finished she said she was going to move on to let the breast surgeon come in, and she'd see me in a few minutes, and hugged me again.
During my hospitalization, her first assistant was with me at least twice a day, and made a home visit to show my daughter how to change dressings and handle the drains. She also told me that the doctor was being kept informed about my case (and the bad news about the pathology report), and sent her love.
I cannot fail to mention here that her first assistant was in my room within moments of my daughter and I getting the bad news. This entire surgical team left me feeling that I was cared for, even when they were not in my presence.
LINKS TO HELP YOU
Questions to Ask Doctors
My Experiences
